So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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