whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
