Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
