Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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