I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
