Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
