WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
where does the pee come out of this thing
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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