my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
