I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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