What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
