Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
