He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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