Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
