A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to sanitize my soul.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
