I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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