I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
