You just made me feel so damn special
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
