Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
