i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
