It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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