Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
