okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
