just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
