i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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