im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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