Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
