my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
