I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
