Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
