did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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