You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
