i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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