Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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