Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
