By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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