Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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