Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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