I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
