all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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