Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
