Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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