She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
