It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
