Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
