Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Four minutes until I can fart!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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