I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
