I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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