sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
