How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
