Whoa Z and x make the same sound
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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